should have
June 9, 2010
should have
tried harder to finish
what i had been asking you
and instead i let it drop
into next week and
into next week and
into next week and
i filed bits away.
and i dreamed
and i scheduled
and i encouraged
and i drew
and i recorded
and i sang
to no one
and then in one
clever moment
of nothing
mostly everyday
someone else told you first.
someone else asked you my question.
and this is happening to
everybody all across the world.
maybe it’s your music.
maybe it’s your poetry.
maybe it’s their love.
someone else is doing it first.
they’re already putting their clothes back on.
….
and so where do we go when
there is nothing left?
empty shelves.
it’s bought.
it’s said.
it’s done.
she’s busy.
he’s not calling back.
fear is chasing us into
yesterday’s twelve directions
and stressing us into death.
and not a glorious, purposeful death
where children get saved
or our chemistry makes a difference
but the unglamorous
vacuum pit of upholstery’s
criss-crossed pattern of
guilt, loathing, deception and self-abuse.
we didn’t act that day.
we missed the chance.
now we overact
now we overthink
now we overstress
and in turn under act in the present.
we wear out.
we stop even further.
clicking through a lackluster
life support system dressed up as a
line up of fame and manufactured need.
this feed.
that stream.
saturation is seriously dating 12 people at once
and that has become our everyday.
[i would finish this poem but i'm too busy.]
m.
……
so have a heart to heart with yourself.
hold your hands
look yourself in the eye
and be honest
about your intentions
and live like that
as much as possible
on the couch
on the beach
in the meadow
as your world falls down around you
and you die a slow inevitable death
this is how this always happens
as we strap the wheels on our
feet in that meadow and rollerskate
down the beach on that warm
couch of life fleeing the flight
don’t forget to tell yourself the truth
don’t forget to listen.
can you listen to the twelve of you at once?
m.
